That time again

Why is it I seem to be ill properly once a year?
I've just been discharged from hospital after what started as feeling a bit crummy last Tuesday lead swiftly to aching like hell, running a fever and lots and lots of diarrhea. An emergency GP appointment Thursday saw me being ambulanced off to the nearest hospital's Emergency Assessment Unit (EAU) for many tests.
Here I am not feeling great-
Come Friday evening though I was feeling a lot better and was up and about and although I still had the squits they were getting less. I was being told to drink fluids and rest and the part of me that dislikes hospitals was getting twitchy. I decided to discharge myself as I was taking up valuable space. Cue tutting from Docs and me signing my life away.
Home, bath and to bed.
Cue early hours of Saturday morning me being very concerned about my guts.
As Saturday progressed things were getting worse. I was feeling really bad and there was starting to be a lot of blood in my poop. There are many things a man shouldn't see when he surveys his bow of produce, blood (and a sizeable amount of it) is one of them. After phone calls to NHS Direct and then out of hours GP I was once again back in the EAU. This time I was plumbed into an IV pump and had 2 litres of Potassium Chloride and Sodium Chloride fired into me, as well as painkillers, some antibiotics and anti-coagulant injections to my belly (ouch!)
I was also told I was contagious and had to be room bound. This meant using a commode and bedpan. There are things a gentleman's appendages should never come into contact with. The contents of a bedpan are one of them. I devised a method for appendage distribution whereby liquids could flow forward into a urinal, and what should be solids would flow into the bedpan, and that method worked very well for me.
Come Monday there were some results back from my samples and it was confirmed I had Campylobacter. By now I was becoming a little stir crazy and feeling a bit better again.
I was cleared of my IV lines, given a new course of antibiotics and transferred to a different solitary ward. After a day or so in there I was discharged, with instructions to stay indoors for at least 48hours with no public contact.
It has been a horrid illness and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm still not sure what I could have eaten to get it, as my girlfriend has thankfully been fine. She has been very good looking after me although she hasn't appreciated the talking of poo.